Hmmm… I don’t have much to write about this week it seems. I apologize, but I’m just not feeling up to the regular old grind of trying to think up a photography subject that readers would be interested in, then sitting down and brainstorming about how to best approach the subject, how to best answer the questions a reader might have regarding the topic, how to include valuable and interesting information, and put it all together in such a way so as to entertain readers, and on, and on. I’m just not up to it this week, sorry.
So, I don’t know… maybe I’ll just ramble. Maybe I’ll just ramble about how much I seem to both love and hate photography. Because, you know, I really do. It’s true. Sometimes I just love photography — I mean, sometimes I really love, love, love photography. And, oddly enough, other times, I hate it. At times, I absolutely loathe it!
I think that right now I happen to be going through one of those loathing times. It might have something to do, in part, with the season, I suppose. The winter is almost here and, living in the northerly climbs that I do, and being without adequate studio space right now, the weather severely limits my photography. You see, I, for the most part, am an artistic photographer. Sure, I have to supplement in order to pay the bills by doing stock, commercial and portrait work — but that’s not what I really enjoy doing. I mean, it’s ok. It sure as heck beats digging ditches for a living (Which, by the way, I have done in the past — so, I know what I’m talking about). But, it’s not what really yanks my crank, if you know what I mean.
I love artistic photography. And, I’m very fortunate in that I make ok money doing it. Along with the income supplements provided by my more traditional photographic work mentioned above, I make a reasonably comfortable living doing just photography. I’m not rich by any stretch of the imagination — nowhere freakin’ close. But, by just doing photography alone I manage to keep a modest but respectable roof over my family’s heads, and decent, nourishing, if not extravagant, food in their stomachs. And, what else could a person really ask for that wouldn’t spring from just plain greed?
It’s amazing to me that I can get by and eek out a comfortable living just by being a photographer. I consider myself incredibly blessed. Many people, to earn the same sort of a living I do, or even a living quite below the type of living I earn, have to get up every day and apply themselves to doing something they absolutely despise doing. My mind swells at the thought of how insanely lucky I am.
All that being said, however, there are times when photography seriously pisses me off. I mean, seriously. For the most part I love it. I really do. I’ve been absolutely in love with the art of photography for a very long time. But, if the truth is to be told, it is something of a love-hate relationship.
Like I said earlier, the winter is almost here. The weather sucks. It’s cold as hell outside. And, I’m currently without any adequate and permanent indoor space to shoot. I am, as I explained, primarily an artistic photographer. This means that I develop concepts for photos. I then set about attempting to put those concepts together. I find a location, I hire models and make-up artists, I set about procuring or creating the required props, pieces of set dressing, wardrobe, etc. I design the lighting to how I want it, then I set a date and get the images. Think of it sort of like shooting a movie — only instead a series of many thousands of images played in rapid succession, it’s all just about the single image. That’s what I do. And, that’s what I love to do… most of the time.
But, it can also be a gigantic hassle — an enormous pain in the butt. Some people really enjoy the challenge of coming up with, and putting together, everything mentioned in the preceding paragraph and overcoming all of the hurdles that invariably present themselves in so doing. Not me. I’m sorry. I know you’re *supposed* to say something like “I enjoy being challenged”, blah, blah, blah. Screw that! I don’t enjoy it at all. I enjoy creating things. And, I want to experience the least amount of resistance possible in realizing my vision for my creation. Challenges are resistance. I don’t need ’em! Creating is fun if it all goes smoothly — it almost never does. And, if it doesn’t, I hate it. I become frustrated an annoyed. And, I have a very low tolerance for frustration. I’m one of those people that will toss a television set out of a window after about a minute of unsuccessfully trying to tune a channel that refuses to come in. What I want, really, is just to think the concept, then have it come to fruition. To hell with the ‘challenges.’ If I could just think a conceptual photograph into existence, exactly the way I pre-envision it, I’d never touch another camera again. Ah, man! That would be heaven!
And, that’s what sucks about right now. That’s why I’m hating photography right now. Because I want to do it. I’m driven to do it. My head is full of ideas that I want to see realized. And, the circumstances happen to be that getting anything done right now presents huge challenges. I can’t find locations. If I had some studio space at my disposal that would be fine. But, I don’t right now. In the summer months it isn’t much of a problem because I can always find outdoor locations. But, in the winter its a different story. It’s hard to find locations — really hard. And, that’s making me hate photography.
I wish the spring would hurry up and get here so I can start loving photography again!
What do you think? Do you normally love photography, but every so often get frustrated or annoyed for some reason and to a degree where you find yourself seriously thinking to yourself “Man! I freakin’ hate this! I hate photography!!!”? Or, if not photography, something else perhaps? I’d love to hear your thoughts.